What You Should Pay Attention To When Talking To Someone

We humans have a deep need to relate to each other & communicate. But there’s a lot more going on underneath the surface if you just pay attention.



Words are the least important of these but they are the thing that people tend to focus on the most. While it is true that we use language to communicate with each other, 95% of communication is non verbal. People are familiar with the fact that people say one thing & do another.


most emotions are shown in the face. Although the world speaks different languages, the facial expressions that we humans use are universal. A thing to note is that true expressions ony last for fractions of a second. If someone shows an expression for longer then it is very likely they are faking it. If you watch a scary movie, majority of the time the killer is wearing a mask or something to cover his face. Why is this so scary to us? because they cut of a very important piece of communication. Masks don’t let us see what that person is thinking or how they are feeling which is why we get scared when we see a person with a mask.


There’s an expression that the eyes are windows into the soul. This is partially true because since we have pupils that are surrounded by white space, it is easy to see what a person is paying attention to. Also since pupils get larger & smaller, it gives us some form of expression.

Body Movements

Is the person moving slowly & controlled or are they having jerked movements? how are they sitting or standing? where is their body pointing to? what about their feet & their position?


How does this person use their hands? are they clenched making fists? are they lose and moving around a lot? do they create shapes to help you visualize a concept?

Tone Of Voice

Politicians try too hard to use tone of voice to seem more confident in what they are saying. typically when a person asks a question their voice goes higher at the end to emphasize that they are unsure. When a person’s voice doesn’t change tonality while they are speaking these people are usually tired, depressed, emotionless robots, or are our boring high school teacher & university professors. When a person’s voice goes lower after a statement they are usually assuming confidence over what is being said.

What should you look for when you talk to people?

While each of the things I mentioned are critical, you need to pay attention to everything as a whole. Although non verbal communication is universal, many people are different. There are some people that are more jumpy than others, there are some that suffer from illnesses that paralyze the face, some people don’t have arms or legs.

There’s a really cool TV show that I recommend watching which is called Lie To Me By Sam Baum. It’s based on the life of a human lie detector who used to work for the U.S. government & other organizations.

In This Video You get a good introduction into what to look for, but the best teacher is your own life experiences.




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