looking up at the night sky wondering

I wonder to myself, Poem to God

As I lay in my bed
Bitterly purposeless & alone
The rain outside sings a melody
Of my quiet despair
I wonder of all the plans, if any
That you might have for me
I wonder if you see the quiet
Tears of my heart
Am I meant for something more
Than wasting away in my youth?
True I have not lived much
You have graced me with little time but much experience
I am not an elder or a wise servant, but a foolish youth
Begging to serve you in any way possible,
why must I wait?
Why must I call out to You
My God & have You feign deafness?

My heart beats in my chest
Causing pain in my body,
at the sight of the joy & happiness
You bless others with,
Yet You withhold from me…
How long must I wait?

Give me something, give me anything
so that I can feel
The following are things my eyes have seen;
The righteous serve empty-handed,
yet those who spit in your face are blessed to overflowing.
Why must You do these thing?

At times I wonder to myself
Why did you make me feel?
Why create me if You were going to put me
On a shelf & let me gather dust,
like a farmer gathers grain during the harvest?

After a while of complaints,
You are so kind as to make me see the foolishness of my requests.
Is it not better to serve You
whole heartedly my God, even if I have nothing in the end?
Is not purpose found in pleasing You, even if it is in denying myself?

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