For all days of my life,
I stand before you
Bearing witness to the evil
I have seen & the joys
I have understood.
How can I stand before You?
My thoughts alone are enough
To lock me away in darkness.
I feel at times cheated by You.
I’ve always wanted to find a place where I belong.
As a boy, cast out for the great distance
between my world & theirs. Unable to see it then,
You were that great & vast ocean
that separated our worlds.
Rejected by a father who
was supposed to model obedience to You
& rejected by the very creatures
You command me to love for Your sake.
Among others I feel alone & isolated.
Never to understand the joys of their foolishness & sins.
Why did You make me this way? So different & miserable.
There were many things I enjoyed in my youth
Because You allowed me this pleasure.
But now even the Sweetest velvet chocolate
Becomes ashes in my mouth.
I am unable to enjoy anything anymore because of You.
Shall I die in my sins & rebellion
or in my loneliness while you hold my cold hand?
In my bias, I prefer the latter because
You are all my heart has ever known.
In sickness & in death,
In spirit & in truth
we vowed our love to each other.
Because You chose me,
In my deathly hour, I am truly free.