Your Blessings Scare Me, Poem To God

My Gods
I’ve seen You do many things in the very short lifetime of mine
& in the never-ending stories of others
Like a fool I’ve begged & pleaded for many things
I know can easily turn my heart away from You

My Gods
Can it be true that You’re showering me with so many blessings?
I don’t desire false humility before You my Gods
For to lie to you is only to cheat myself
But why these blessings? Why now?

My Gods
I find myself in a strange place where I appreciate everything You do for me
But am afraid to step into the next room to accept the gifts You’ve laid out for me
I’d rather You bitterly disappoint me than leave me with these disgusting, rotten gifts
Was I not clear when I said I wanted You & not this garbage the world has to offer me?

My Gods
I beg You again, to cut me off from these selfish pleasure & lovely distractions
Because I feel the burning passion in me waning
like a small flame holding on for dear life, In a windy dark room
I find myself unable to sleep or hold still

My Gods
Please My Gods, if this takes my affection from You, the One I’ve always known
With a jagged knife, I ask that you cut my eyes out of their sockets,
And slice the muscle & bone that connect my hands to my arms…

For as a blind man who sees nothing, & a lame man who holds nothing
I want to feel truly free again,
Free to gaze upon You alone, with the emptiness of my sockets
Free to hold Your hand, with the weightlessness of my arms
With room for wanting nothing more than to be with You alone


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