Killing Of The Idols, Poem To God

I pull back my knife
After cutting his head off
The blood spattered on me speaks
To the feelings I locked up & forgot
To wear someone else on my skin

I was determined
For after our agreement
I knew there was no turning back
I felt trapped, there was no other option

From the heavens you called out to me
A voice like thunder and a vision of blinding light
I tried to hide, but was unable

My love was dying & you promised me her life
You said, ” I desire obedience above all else”
“The price shall be great”
Not knowing what you would ask
Nor what would be taken

You told me that she would live
Not knowing that I would die
My only option left me my duty
Not knowing how my evils would make me cry

Determined I set out
Just so you’d spare her life

Half way through my journey
I cried to turn back, But You came to me
As though in a dream
You took me back to a time
Where as a youth I asked for my purpose above all

Memories of this replay in my mind
In your whisper, remember remember
Your treasure is great
But the price high, indeed it is

I went in pursuit of idols
Ready to cut their heads off
In obedience to your will
Hoping you’d breathe life into her once more

I remember the last time I held her hand
It was cold but with a familiar warmth escaped her hand

Why did you choose me?
Before, when I had a choice
I was a man held as righteous & upright
But looking down at my hands
The blood laughs at my attempts
” Morals? What morals?”
” Commandments? What commandments”

My people hunt me, as if our childhood together
Were but distant forgotten memories

I remember each idol I slayed in your name
At a distance, huge & hideous
The kind that terrorize villages
But in hindsight, defenseless & docile creatures
Beautiful works by Your hands

As I approached with my torches & blades
They begged me to reconsider
But I had no mercy for them
As I cut their heads off one by one

I felt with each conquest victory
The demons would possess my body
Each victory left me unconscious & weary
Looking in the mirror, my eyes had grown weak & tired

What was my reward at the end of all this?
You possessed my body & killed my people for their righteousness
You upheld your promise but consumed me completely

Taking away my adulthood
Making me just a baby again
I was reborn with horns
Horns so my people would see my evil deeds
Not knowing how those horns
Testify of my great love for You

To those observing & judging from afar
Comfortable in their linen robes & self-appointed thrones
They label me as evil, misguided & twisted
But the truth of this tale is
That love for God is above all things

To behave but not to love
Is to exist but not to live
I laugh to myself
How is it that in a game of murder, You teach me love?
How is it that forgetting my being, I embrace You?
How is it that I must lose myself, to win You?

I did evil in your name
I did evil for your love


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